Feeling it again...

It's been exactly 3 weeks now Simeone..

Yet the pain of loosing you is still so fresh..

I love you My Simeone.. 

😍😍😍

Can you see my heart? 

It's full of you Babyluv... 

I love you...

Simeone,

How do I move on from this? 

Pls give me the strength that you possesed my Babyluv..

I love you..

You're in my Heart

Dear My Simeone, 

Yes you have a name my Babyluv.

We never knew if you're a footballer or a princess.. 

But it doesn't matter because we love you whichever gender you are, if you're normal or special, or for whatever you are.. 

We love you more than our hearts are capable of loving..

You were finally out yesterday at 3:55 am.

Simeone, you are one naughty kid..

But I loved it.. You would always remind me of your father..

It took me 4 days to try to get you out..

The induction (4 meds in my inside), about 10 IEs, about 2 liters of drips, a Foley catheter and a D & C surgery.

Not to mention the 10 vial of blood, 4 injections and 10 pinches - it's not a joke but entertaining to see your father scared to death.. ( our secret, he is scared of needles)

The first 3 days, I was relaxed, worried because you're not going out.. 

But the 4th day, at around 12:05 am, I writhe in pain.. Literally. The contractions are getting me crazy.. Unbearable pain Babyluv.. I think I broke your father's fingers gripping on him every 30'seconds..

Then I felt a pop and you slid Babyluv.

Right in to my hospital bed, with a pool of blood.. I saw you inside the tray.  Only on side view though. I wanted to see you but I was so weak and the contractions are hitting me again..

You look brown and slimy..

On the same night, I asked the staff nurse how you looked.. 

She said you are like a jelly.. You don't have a face yet, can not determine the gender, but you already have arms, legs and surprisingly your nails are visible.. 

And you know your father is so proud you got his nails.. (Your father has dinasaur nails that we assume if its visible at this stage, then for sure you got it from  him.) 

And he is showing off his nails every 5 mins.. He is so irritating yet cute Babyluv.

He is just so proud of you..

Well, we are going home today with hearts full of you. You will always always always be in our hearts My Babyluv..

You are our eldest child..

Sorry if we can not take you home or give you a decent burial, the process here apparently sucks. But we pray for you everyday our Angel.. 

We love you so much..

Kisses from Mommy..

By the way,  I'm still waiting for that dream ok.. 

I love you.

Sleep tight my love,

Love, 

Your mother

I love you my Babyluv

Dear My Babyluv,

We went to see you earlier for our 19th week ultrasound..

Sadly, you don't have a heartbeat Babyluv...

We have lost the battle...

You will always be in our hearts and we could not thank you enough for the love, for changing us, for always reminding us how blessed we are to have you even for a short time..

That time is enough to fulfill our dreams to be a family..

For me, to be a mother..

I may not have held you in my arms but I am hugging you in my heart every single minute..

Our angel, you may now sleep well..

I love you so much..

Your father love you so much..

And every member of the family love you so much.. 

You will always be our hearts..

I love you my eldest child..

Love,

Your mother

My Promise...

Dear My Babyluv,

Hows my sweetheart today? 

Well your getting bigger are you, 

My bump is becoming bigger Babyluv..

And I love it...

You know, sometimes I think why

All of these are happening to us....

But then the answer doesn't matter anyway.. 

I, as your mother, promise you...

That I'm not going to stop fighting,

Until your heart stops beating..

We are in this together Babyluv...

Sorry if my trust and faith waivered, 

Believe me, I care for your best interest.. 

What I failed to see, is your will

To survive...

And I'm gonna do just as that..

I love you Babyluv...

So much...

Love, 

You're mother

Tita Lany's bday

Dear My Babyluv,

Hope your doing well my Babyluv..

I love you so much...

Today is your Tita Lany's birthday..

Tita lany is my only sister Babyluv...

I love her so much...

She is a bit weird but has a wonderful heart..

She so wants to meet you..

In fact, they are flying to Dubai in January to see you...

She is based in US so she's quite far from us...

I love you Babyluv so much..

I'm trying to live each day thinking you will be ok..

You will be ok Babyluv..

I love you so much..

Love,

Your mother 

Girl

Just to let you know....

Your father and I think your a Girl, Babyluv... 

We love you

Hurt, Sad, Hopeful, Very proud

Dear My Babyluv,

Hows my baby doing? 

U hope ur doing well inside Babyluv..

It's been 3 days since we had a check with our OB.

I saw you Babyluv, and I'm very happy..

However, your condition has worsened..

The edema- the swelling has doubled, and the Pleural Effusion- the excess fluid they saw in your lungs before is now everywhere..

Especially your brain Babyluv..

As per the medical team, there is no hope... 

To hear that Babyluv, makes me want to die..  It was your father who was very strong for the both of us.. 

I couldn't answer all the questions of the doctor, and it was your father who answers for me..

In so glad he is there Babyluv, or I wouldn't be able to make it alone..

The amazing part Babyluv amongst all this is your very strong heartbeat...

The sonographer was so amazed with how strong you are Babyluv..

Babies in the same situation as you would have had gone by now..

But you are one very strong baby..

And I am very proud of you...

Your father and I are very very proud of you..

You are the sunshine amidst all these... 

In a month, we go back to the doctor and if your condition has not improved, we have to make a decision Babyluv..

This will be the most difficult decision we will ever do... 

And I fear that day..

Oh Babyluv, sometimes I wonder why all of these are happening to us..

I just wanted a simple and complete and normal family..

I've been wishing that for 3 years...

Our Lord is good.. And I'm sure he has plans for us..

We will never doubt his plans Babyluv...

Whatever the decision will be, please always remember that we love you very very very much.. 

I love you my Babyluv...

Love,

Your mother

💞💞

I miss you Babyluv... 

I love you so so so so so much...

Mothers Day!!

Dear My Babyluv,

The world celebrates Mother's Day today..

I want to thank you Babyluv for giving me the opportunity to be a mom and for choosing me to be your mom..

I will not fail you and I promise to take care of you and be the best mom for you...

I love you Babyluv..

I feel you today.. A lot..

Sometimes I fear the stab-pain..

But I think it's just you making me feel that you love me..

I love you my Babyluv..

Love,

Your mother 

Mom's sick

Dear My Babyluv,

Hows my baby?? 

I'm so proud of you my Babyluv..

I know things have been difficult but you have been so strong..

I love you Babyluv..

Now it's my turn to be strong.

I'm down with flu, colds and fever..

I can't and don't want to take any medicine Babyluv, because it may harm you in any way..

I don't want that..

So I'm on water therapy, soup and herbal power.

Your father has been very caring, as always.. He really is taking care of us.

I'm so proud of him too Babyluv..

I must have really done something good in this world to deserve the best husband and the bravest and cutest Babyluv ever..

I love you Babyluv..

Hang in there for me ok..

I love you so much..

Love,

Your mother 

Babyluv

Dear My Babyluv, 

How are you? I've missed writing you my love...

I've had a very bad migraine since Saturday, that we today I was absent at work.. Your father too...

But now I am fine..

How are you my Babyluv? 

We survive last week...

I am confident we will be able to surpass these trials Babyluv because you are a very strong strong strong Baby..

I am very very very proud of you.. 

I love you...

Love, 

Your mother 

Star Gazing

Dear My Babyluv,

It is so relaxing here.

We are star gazing by the beach.

And we always talk about you..

How you would run here and there..

Jump here and there..

Hehe you will be the cutest ever my Babyluv...

I live for you..

I love you so much..

Love.

Your mother 

Outing outing

Dear My Babyluv,

Your father and I decided that we need a holiday.. Just the 3 of us..

So we booked a 2 night stay in the luxurious Dubai Marine Beach Resort...

I love family time like this Babyluv..

I can't wait to take you to the beach once ur out..

Since it's still too hot I can't dip in the waters.. Not good for you.

But your father is already enjoying in the pristine water..

Love you My Babyluv..

Your mother 

Daddy daddy

Dear My Babyluv,

Your father is finally home...

I know, we are both the happiest...

Love u

Your mother

My sunshine

Dear My Babyluv,

Good morning! 

My mornings are so much better with you around...

I love you so much Babyluv..

I loveeeeeeeee youuuuuuuu...

Love, 

Your mother 

Hey

Hey Baby Dsouza...

You are loved!! So much...

excited

Dear My Babyluv, 

Hows my baby? 

My favorited person in the world? 

I hope ur ok Babyluv, and enjoying in my tummy.. 

I love you so much, don't ever ever ever forget that! 

I am cleaning the room, we'll not that clean, but ya just preparing because your father is coming home tomorrow..

Yeheyy!

He will finally be with us Babyluv..

He will hug both of us when we sleep..

Oh I've missed him so much..

I'm sure you do too..

So hang on there my sunshine ok...

I love you.

So much..

Love,

Your mother 

I love you

My Babyluv..

Good morning sunshine!!!

My sunshine

Dear My Babyluv,

I met up with the OB, and the result is expected. Though I know the answers to my questions, I still shiver everytime I hear it from the doctor..

But I am ok now Babyluv..

At first I'm hesitant to tell The Lord ,

"Lord thy will be done"

Because I know and I'm scared that He will take you Babyluv..

But who am I to doubt The Lord's love for us Babyluv, when in fact He was the one who gave you to me and your father..

So while I remain positive and hopeful..

I also remain realistic..

I am very lucky to have your father whom I can draw strength from...

Your father is so positive.

Never seen him like this before...

He said he is praying for a miracle and he  believes we will get one..

The greatest miracle we have had is you, Babyluv.. 

I love you so Much..

We love you so much...

I'm never gonna give up..

So pls don't also give up on us ok...

Love you,

Your mother 

Daddy's coming home

By the way Babyluv, your father is coming home in 2 days..

He is supposed to extend his stay in Malaysia for another week or so..

But after what happened yesterday, 

He told his boss that he has to be home and be with us..

We will be 1 compete family again Babyluv...

I love you..

Your mother

Ready or not

Dear My Babyluv, 

I'm in the clinic today to meet the OB..

I had it rescheduled a week earlier bec of yesterday's test..

I really don't know why I did this..

But I just need to undertand what is happening with us Babyluv..

Nope, I didn't cry promise...

I went to work today. Told my friends, I'm ok so far..

After the test I will go back to work..

It helps to be a bit buzy you know...

Well, I love you Babyluv...

So much..

Love,

Your mother 

Braveheart

Dear My Babyluv,

You must have seen me earlier right? 

I just died This afternoon Babyluv..

I went for the Down Syndrome Test. 

It's a specialized fetal test to check if you are ok Babyluv..

And we found out that you are swelling..

From your brain till your whole body..

The doctor said the cause is unknown, they want to do a test to find out if it's genetic.. 

I don't like that test because of the 2percent chances of miscarriage..

Even after the doctor told me that with your situation Babyluv, I'm likely to have a miscarriage in the few weeks..

Few weeks like this week or next..

Well - - -

As usual your mother has been a cry baby.. I thought of you Babyluv if your in pain or something.

The the fear of loosing you..

It was hard, your father was not with me..

I broke down again..

Quite badly..

And I'm sorry Babyluv..

I know I have to be brave..

I don't know what tomorrow brings, but I promise I will not give up..

I will not loose hope.

I have a brave heart. I will be a warrior for you Babyluv...

The Lord is with us and He will not leave us..

From now on. No tears..No Fears..

Only love love love...

I love you Babyluv..

And I'm not giving up this damned fight..

The doctors believe in Science, but ai believe in you Babyluv..

I believe in our Lord..

Pls don't give up my Babyluv...

We can do this..

Love you so much..

Your mother...

Babyluv pls don't so this

Babyluv..

Pls don't do this... 

12 weeks

We are at our 12th week today my Babyluv...❤️❤️❤️

Easter

Dear My Babyluv,

Today is Easter Sunday! 

The Lord is risen! 

Happy Easter Babyluv..

I love you..

Your father is very lonely today, he is alone on Easter. His first time..

At least I have you Babyluv..

I love you.

Love,

Your mother

Holy Week

Dear My Babyluv,

How is my baby today? You must have grown, have you? 

I miss you so much..

I can't wait to see you again in 2 weeks Babyluv..

May 4 is our next prenatal date, that too your father is back.. So we will be one complete family..

Today is Black Saturday and yesterday was Holy Friday..

It is a very impt time of the year Babyluv, because we commemorate the death and the sacrifices our Lord has done for us...

He was nailed on the cross, died to save us all from our sins.

That's how Jesus Christ love us Babyluv..

He was the one who gave you to me and your father.. You are God's gift to us..

Well, I would have really wanted to go to church but since your father is not here and because of my condition, I just stayed at home praying and thanking The Lord..

Tomorrow is even a greater day Babyluv..

For tomorrow, our Lord will rise from death and be with us again..

I can't wait to tell you more about our Lord when your out in the real world..

I love you Babyluv..

Love,

Your mother

Low Thyroid level

Dear My Babyluv,

How is my favorite person in the world?

That's you Babyluv..

I hope you are fine..

We are already at Week 10 Babyluv.. 

And taking it slowly and praying that end of the month will come safely...

Then our 1st trimester is done!!

I'm feeling so sad though..

Nurse Lorena called me today about the the blood tests they made last week..

I'm a blood type B+, and all tests went fine except that my Rubella has no immunity. Which means I could not have a chickenpox or measles for the 1st tri bec it's harmful for you Babyluv.. 

Next is I have below normal level of Thyroid.. This I don't know much, but they had me scheduled to see an endocrilogist or whatever, a specialist to check my Thyroid level.. 

I'm scared Babyluv..

I don't want anything to happen to you.. 

So I hope things will be ok.. 

Babyluv, you have to promise me that everything will be ok.. Ok!! 

Don't ever let go.. 

I love you so much..

Love, 

Your mother

Blood tests

Hello my Babyluv,

How are you my Babyluv? 

Hows your tiny feet and hands..

You must have the muscles now right to wiggle around? 

And I'm sure you're becoming a big baby now..

I miss ultrasounds Babyluv. 

I like it so I can see you...

Yesterday, I went to the clinic.

They took blood and urine tests..

Too much blood Babyluv..

But your mother isn't scared of needles (unlike your father) hehe..

So I was ok..

But I ask your Tito Robert to pick me up from the mall. This will calm your father and yes, he was happy..

I love you my Babyluv..

We will rock this journey..

I love you.

Love,

Your mother 

Siopao

Dear My Babyluv,

How are you today?

Me? We'll forget about my being over acting last night Babyluv. 

But yeah, your mother is really OA.

But I'm feeling a lot better today..

because I had Siopao..

And as always, never failed to amaze me..

I love you Babyluv..

Love,

Your mother

Sighhh

Dear My Babyluv,

Hows my sunshine? 

My star? 

The love of my life? 

My Babyluv?

Hope you're doing fine Babyluv..

I'm glad you liked the lychee..

I ate too much today..

Well, as for me.. I hate to tell you but I can't tell you any lies either ..

You will feel it anyway right Babyluv..

What I feel, you feel as well..

Anyway, I'm so sad , Your father told me that he has spoken to  the 3rd most important person in logistics in Nestle worldwide, and he may be requested to stay longer..

I felt so bad Babyluv..

I miss your father so much..

I feel its just you and me on this journey..

Crap!

I am being emotional am I? 

Must be the pregnancy hormone..

Ohhh Babyluv, I'm sorry I know we have to support your father. 

But sometimes when you miss the person, you just really don't understand things.

Well, just don't leave me ok Babyluv..

And I'm sure I'll be fine..

I love you Babyluv..

Love,

Yor mother 

Promoted

Dear My Babyluv, 

How are you today..

I've missed you...

Just to let you know that your mother got promoted, not big time, but good enough to add the thousand dirhams to your savings account Babyluv..

Yes, as early as now, you already owe my Personal Savings Account Babyluv...

I'm saving now for your future.. ❤️❤️

Because I love you so much...

Love,

Your mother 

I miss your father

Dear My Babyluv, 

I hold on to you for strength..

I miss your father si badly..

😢😢

I love you my Babyluv..

Love,

Your mother 

Tita Marj is pregnant too!!

Dear My Babyluv,

Isn't that a great news too!

Your tita Marj, the wife of your Tito Rommel is also pregnant..

Tito Rommel is my youngest brother and oh boy I couldn't be any happier..

You will have a cousin same your age Babyluv.. Yay!! 

Love,

Your mother

Daddy is off to Malaysia again

Dear My Babyluv,

I'm packing your father's stuff..

He is off to Malaysia again.. 

This time for a longer period of time. 

3 weeks.. 3 freaking weeks..

I know I know Babyluv..

I am as sad as you..

But remember what I told you? 

We have to support your father in every way.. And he is sent back to Malaysia because he is doing a great job..

So we should be proud of him!!

So for the next 3 weeks..

It's gonna be Babyluv-Mommy time again.. I love you Babyluv..

I love you so much..

Did you like the siopao earlier? 

Oh I love it sooo much..

I love you..

Love,

Your Mother

The cutest little feet and hands

Dear My Babyluv,

We went to the clinic today to check you growth, and Babyluv, I just saw your little hands and feet, and the thundering heart..

Oh Babyluv, you made me so happy..

I couldn't believe you have grown so fast..

The last time I saw you 2 weeks ago, you were just a little beanstalk..

Now you have grown and your moving hands and feet are just amazing..

Your father was with me, and initially he said he doesn't want to look at the ultrasound. Your father is scared Babyluv.. It must have been that moment when we didn't see you and he saw me crying too hard- that scared him.. Singe opted to just sit inside and wait..

But you are just so cute that the nurse, the doctor and me, forced him to see you.. And you Oh my, he was teary eyed and so happy to see you Babyluv..

You really don't know how happy you made us..

I love you Babyluv..

You enjoy in my tummy and together let's enjoy this journey ok..

I love you..

Love,

Your mother

My sunshine

Dear My Babyluv,

This song is for you:

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When stars are gray

You never know Dear

How much I love you

Please don't take 

My sunshine away

That's for you Babyluv..

I love you so much..

Love,

Your mother 

I love you My Babyluv...

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Dad is sick

Dear My Babyluv,

How is my adorable Babyluv? 

Hope u enjoyed the French fries and Mcflurry earlier Bavyluv.. Hehe

That's from Mcdonalds Babyluv... 

I promise you'll have a lot when your out.. ❤️❤️❤️

Anyway, I'm so sad today! 

Your father has fever.. He is very tired I know.. From Malaysia then straight to work, then he cooks for me..

Poor Daddy.. 

So I will get up at 2 am later to make sure he drinks his medicine.. 

So sorry Babyluv if ill wake u up later ok..

For now, you sleep now..

I love you so much Babyluv..

Love, 

Your Mother

❤️❤️❤️

Dear My Babyluv,

Your father is so back and I'm the happiest.. I'm sure you're so happy too Babyluv..

He is back and so is the strict police..

He doesn't allow me to the anything .

And gone are the happy days Babyluv..

We are back to vege diet now. Hehe

I also like it because then I can feed you healthy food Babyluv..

I love your father and I love you too..

Love,

Your mother 

Daddy's coming home!

Dear My Babyluv,

Your father is finally coming home!

Of course, he would have been home 12 hours ago if he didn't miss his flight! 

Haha

You heard it right Babyluv..

He did miss his flight..

Nevertheless,we will sleep with him tonight.. 

I'm as excited as you..

I love you my Babyluv..

Love,

Your mother

Lolo's birthday

Dear My Babyluv,

Today is your Lolo's birthday.

His name is Lolo Romy and he's my dad

He is the best dad ever Babyluv..

He is very strict, protective and cool..

He loves us so much..

And we love him too..

Even your father loves him very much..

But I'd better watch out..

He's a great spoiler.. Haha

I'm sure he will adore you like crazy like how he is with your cousins.. 

I'm so excited for you to meet home Babyluv and all the wonderful members of our family..

I want you to love your Father the way I have loved your LoLo Romy, ok Babyluv..

Love you,

Your mother 

❤️❤️❤️

Dear My Babyluv,

I miss you so much..

I love you very much, my love..

Love,

Your mother 

My star

Dear My Babyluv,

Hows my baby today? 

I miss you Babyluv..

Sorry if your mother is quite buzy at work.

It's our fiscal year end Babyluv that's why we are just too buzy..

But I still think of you.. 

Your father called.. He miss us both..

Can't wait for him to be back this Saturday Babyluv...

Yesterday when I was at the clinic, he panicked and was so tensed.. He kept on calling me, and called your Tito Rober and Tita Neli..

Poor guy.. He must have been so worried ..

But her was so happy to see you. 

I sent your sonogram photo Babyluv..

And like me, he was the happiest guy alive yesterday..

I must have been too excite to see you that I didn't get sleep the past 2 days..

So hitting the bed early tonight hoping to get my 8 hours sleep..

So good nyt Babyluv..

I love you so much...

Love,

Your Mother

Babyluv bablyluv babyluv

Dear My Babyluv,

You made me the happiest person alive today Babyluv..

I love you sooooo sooo much...

I cried when I saw you..

Especially when I heard the strong heartbeat..., Oh my gosh, I melted!!! 

Babyluv, you are the cutest..

At 7 weeks, you are like a beanstalk..

My cute beanstalk..

I love you Babyluv, you never failed to amaze me.. 

I love you so much..

Love,

Your proud mother

Babyluv

Dear My Babyluv,

This is it..

I am on my way to the clinic now.

I love you so much..

I'll see you in a while..

Love,

Your mother

Rain

Dear My Babyluv,

Good morning good morning my star!!

How are you today?

It Rained last night..

Some said it hailed.. 

But whatever, makes me miss your father more..

I've been mostly in bed.. 

Relaxing.. Getting up only to eat.. 

And now, got to get up again because I'm hungry.. Is this me or is this you Babyluv? 😍😍

I love you my Babyluv..

Love,

Your mother

Lift

Dear My Babyluv,

How are you my cute Babyluv?

I love u..

Your mother's experience today is crazy..

Because your father is out of town, I hitched a ride home either with Tita Arlyn or Tita Joy.. Whoever goes home first..

But March, being then busiest month work wise, they always leave late.

Around past nine, we were supposed to go home when the elevator stopped working! 

Holy Crap!

That means Babyluv, I have to walk 14 floors down.. 

Oh no no no no..

That's not safe for you Babyluv..

So we have to wait, wait, wait till they finally gave up..

Sir Ems told the guard there is a preggo on 11th floor.. 

Umm that's me!!

So the security personnel has to use to fireman's lift to fetch us..

Haha 

So that's my story today Babyluv..

Double tired!! 

I love you my Babyluv.

Love,

Your mother

Hated beef burger

Dear My Babyluv,

I love you Babyluv..

Hope you're enjoying inside my small tummy.. 

You must have not liked the 3 small bites of burger I asked from Tita Meggy? Because I hurried home just to vomit everything.. geez I controlled my self from vomitting in Tita Joy's car Babyluv..

So never beef burger again...

And pizza..

So I'm happy to know ur a healthy buff like your father Babyluv.. I will really try to eat healthy for you.. 

I wish your father is here to make me healthy food.. I really miss him..

Anyway, I love you Babyluv so much..

Let's sleep now ok..

Love,

Your mother 

Missing someone

Dear My Babyluv,

Your father is already in Malaysia..

Thank God Babyluv, he reached safe and sound..

So that leaves us 2 alone..

I miss him.. Do you? 

I really miss your father so much.

I'f I'm tired, like today, he is there to make sure I'm ok.. Well...

I love you Babyluv..

How are you today? 

Did you hear your Father earlier when he touched you in my tummy and said..

"I love you Baby love"..

I felt so kilig for both of you..

I felt like crying..

Last night was the very first time In 3 years I have seen him praying..

I'm sure he is praying for you Babyluv..

He loves you so so much..

He is sad he would not be able to see you on 17th.. 

But I told him not to worry because Babyluv loves him too .. Right?

I love you Babyluv..

Love,

Your mother

Packing

Dear My Babyluv,

How's your day today? 

I love u so much...

Vomitting continues for me. But luckily,

your Tito Qayyum, your mother's partner at work, gave me a sun dried lemon available only in India..

It tastes weird but effective..

So it really helped me Babyluv..

Tonight, I'm packing your fathers stuff.

He is flying to Malaysia for 2 weeks..

I know, I know , you'll miss him.

I'll miss him too terribly Babyluv..

But this is work. And we have to support him ok.. We are your father's number 1 supporter, like we are to you Babyluv..

So for 2 weeks, we only have each other so you behave ok! Especially on 17th..

You have to let your mother see you. 

Or you can not imagine her crying and wandering in Dubai Mall alone..

I love you Babyluv..

Love,

Your mother

Morning Sickness

Is an understatement.

I vomit from dusk till dawn..

Seriously, bit difficult in the office.. 

And worse, I get to eat less. As eating less helps, according to Mr Google..

Anyway, as long as this is for Babyluv..

Hit me hard but I will never give up..

HCG level is increasing!

Dear My Babyluv, 

That's some good news, isn't it??

My HCG level has gone to a whooping 49,500.. Wow! It means Babyluv, that the pregnancy is progressing..

Now, it's really up to you to show yourself. And save your mother a mild heart attack ok.. 

I love you Babyluv.. Sooooooo soooooo sooooo much.. 

Love, 

Your mother 

The pampering continues

Dear My Babyluv, 

The pampering continued today and the resting too.. Attending 2 bday parties were cancelled..  

Oh Babyluv, you should see how hardworking you father and your Tito Robert is..

They are cleaning the house today.

That used to be my weekend thing, but because they want both of us to rest, I'm just sitting pretty here while you, you're job little blip is to show yourself to the world. Ok. You can take your time. But you have to show yourself soon ok.. Or I will die . joke..!! 

I love you Babyluv.. So much..

Love,

Your Mother

Babied

Dear My Babyluv, 

Your father has gone overboard today.. 

He babied me in every possible way.. 

Well the only privacy I had is when I need to use the bathroom, otherwise it's all on his control.. 

He must have been scared as well... To loose you Babyluv...bec he loves you more than you can imagine.. 

Most of the day I'm just in bed.. 

So this is bed rest..

I am really lucky to have your father.. 

You are so lucky..

We are so lucky, he is taking care of us even if he has a fever Babyluv.. 

And we should be grateful..

When you re out in the real world, you should always say "thank you" Babyluv, to all the people who has done you even the littlest of things.. 

I will make sure you do that ok..

Hang in there.

I love you so much..

Love,

Your mother

Week 7

Today is my Week 7 in full based on LMP.

But based on my precise calculation, I'm just 4 weeks + 4 days..

Of course, I would know when we did it right.. Anyway Science is weird..

Yesterday was a sad sad day for us..

So today I'm in complete bed rest.. (Checked work emails from time to time)

Then we continue to monitor the bleeding...

It has lessen in the morning and I hope it will continue. 

I seriously limit the peeing, because for the first time in my life, I am scared of blood.. 

Or what the blood means..

I trust all this to the Almighty.. 

Thankful for everyone who prayed...

Babyluv will be here soon, I promise.. ❤️❤️❤️

Foggy day

Dear My Babyluv,

I love you.. ❤️❤️

Today is a foggy day.. 

It must be the change of weather Babyluv.. 

I can't wait to show you the world Babyluv.. The world is going to be so lucky and beautiful with you around.. 

But you have to be here to see it through.. 

And of course you will, I'll see you on 17th Babyluv.. 

I love you so much..

Love, 

Your mother

Pls stop stop stop

The bleeding...😢😢

Love letter

Dear My Babyluv,

I love you so much.. Pls remember that..

I went to see the doctor today for my first ever ultrasound. They did a transvaginal ultrasound Babyluv. It's like a Doppler, like a wand, then they've put it inside me. It was a bit uncomfortable but ok.. 

The doctor saw the gestational sac and the yolk, but no baby. They did not see you Babyluv..

Funny, because I've been waiting for this day to finally see you, but no.. 

Worse, I was and still bleeding Babyluv..

The doctor is a bit worried. I am too..

Ok. I am sooo worried that when we got out of the clinic I broke down.. Good thing your father was there.. 

I'm so sorry Babyluv, I should be the 1st person to hope, to be brave and to believe in you. I do, but I just can't imagine loosing someone that I love so much.. That's you Babyluv.. 

But I'm sure you're there.. I'll give you more time, and I'm sure I'll see you very soon.. Pls hang in there Babyluv ok...

They did another blood test to check my HCG level.. And they ask me to come back on 19th..

I will see you there Babyluv..

As what your father told me while I was crying non-stop..,, "Have faith"..

And I have faith in you...

I love you Babyluv..

Love,

Your Mother

W0W!

Turning week 7 is a wow!

Frequent trips to the bathroom..

Nausea every now and then..

Sleeps everytime the eyes get the chance...

And I have to repeat. Vomitting is vomitting..

No I'm not complaining..

We will rock!! ❤️❤️❤️

My new "Fifty Shades of Gray"

Look what Joy, my colleague and friend, lent me...

What I have been pigging out lately

I'm so lucky to have a husband who cooks for me every single day and a brother who asists the husband. Yay!

What's my weight at 6?

Entering Week 6.

46 kilos.. 

💙💙💙

Oh boy, this is really it!!

My arms, legs and shoulders are so heavy today..

My boobs are swelling.. 

My body is paining.. 

Entering Week 6! 

This is really it! 

But I'm loving it..

Reactions.Reactions

After I got the confirmation call we called Dad immediately..

Me: Dad, you will have an Indian Apo soon.. I'm finally pregnant..

Dad: laughs out loud... Very good Very Good Very Good

Me: Ma, namabdus najud imong anak (Ma, ur daughter is finally pregnant) 

Mom: Who?

Me: Umm, me? U only have 2

Daughters so it should be me!!!

Mom: Laughs out loud..

Really really really, that's such a good news..

Me: Mom, I'm already 5 weeks pregnant

Russ mom: what, I can't hear you!

Me: ( ok) 

I am already pregnant mom !

Mom: ( no emotions at all) 

I know Pam

Me: How did you know.

Mom: because the. lord already told me last month..

Wow can you believe that..

We love our parents so much and I'm so sure we made them so happy today.. ❤️❤️❤️

My Ever First Love Letter

Dear My Babyluv, This is my first ever love letter to you. I love you so much.. from the day that I have prayed and longed for you, and I am extremely overjoyed that you are finally here, in my tummy. The wait has been years but sweet. You know Babyluv, your father is a sucker for stars and constellations. I learned the names and stories of the stars from him. When we were in Plantation Bay Cebu weeks back, I so longed for you. Its even in my Facebook status. I thought of you. Of Castor and Pollux. Castor and Pollux are twins Babyluv, and everytime I look in the night sky, I can always see them together, as in together. Of course It will be too much if I want you and your twin, right? (of course I want you both) But you alone is the best blessing I have. So right now, I'll always think of you as my Cappela, one of the brightest stars in the sky. God is good Babyluv, Ill tell you more about him. He was the one who blessed us with you. They said the coming 9 months will be tough. But I promise, I will do everything for you Babyluv. And you have to promise me, that you will hold on no matter what ok! We can do this and we will rock. I love you soooo much more than my heart is capable of. Love, Your Mother By the way, you father hates writing love letters but he loves you very very much. He touches you every night, and he is making sure Im eating the right food for you.. We love you so much..

We are soooooo Positive!!!

Received a call from Nurse Lorena confirming that we are positive. I am overjoyed beyond belief. Thank you Lord Thank you Lord for the miracle of life...

Depressed+Shocked+Happy+ Hopeful

So I flew back to Dubai leaving my husband in Cebu for a week. :-) We were very relaxed even with the very hectic-week we had there. So I thought that maybe, just maybe, I may have gotten pregnant so I tested. And its NEGATIVE!! I swear I have not felt so depressed my entire life that I have to Imessage Russ and got him worried. Who wouldnt? *sigh sigh Then the following week, its business as usual. Most from the office thought i have lost solid weight. Concerned, I have vowed to eat a lot. (I look like a giraffe when Im so thin). But, but Ive noticed THAT Ive been eating extra TOO MUCH. Im surprised by myself, how I can finish 3-4 plates on buffet. I know Im a pig at times but its just too much. But OK, it must be the "have to gain weight" notion, so Im good. Russ came back after a week, and Im starting to get pain in my right boob and stomach. It must have been the RFD expected on 16th of every month. Cool, all I need is just a Coke to begin this Red Flag Day. Day 1 and Day 2 - I must have finished too much Coke, RFD hasnt started yet. Feb 17th and 18th - frequent trips to the ladies room. Vomitted 3 times. Must be because Im hungry. Cool. Gas. Excessive Gas. I fart like people need it to breathe hahaha Seriously, somethings just not going right. I dont know how or why, but I wanted to test again. Feb 18th - doing my nightly-hourly mantra in the bathroom, I laid the HCG PT. I saw the heartbreaking single line, a negative. Cool.What's new. Then when I was about to throw the kit, I saw the 2nd line. My heart literally stopped. I dont know what to feel or think or I dont know. I called Russ, who's to my surprise, clueless about home PTs. It must have been his first time to see this. haha Russ: Annoyed, "WHAT?" Me: See? Russ: What's That? Me: I think Im pregnant! Russ: Why, bec the line is pink? (SERIOUSLY??? *sigh) Me: 2 lines. There are 2 lines which mean I may be pregnant.. I could see all emotions in my husband's face. Shocked, Scared, Happy, Stoned, Doubt, - That must have how I looked when Ive seen the 2 lines. So we decided to see an OB on a Friday, but then we couldnt get an appointment. GEEZ I didnt know OBs are so in demand. *tsk. Lucky to get a Thursday 330 appointment in Mediclinic Dubai Mall. They did the test and.. Results will be out tomorrow, Saturday. There has been too much agony already waiting for the good news. But I remain hopeful, and I know in my heart our brightest start is already here. in my tummy.. So bloggy, because I have disowned you, you are the 2nd person to know my story (1st is Meggy). Cant wait for tomorrow, so Im gonna have a beauty sleep now while I wait for tomorrow's result.

Review Rewind

2014 has been sweet. We flew to Cebu last Jan end to attend Rommel's wedding. Heard it right bloggy, Rommel, our dunsgoy, miming, meow, our very loved youngest brother. He and Marj finally tied the knot after 7 years..Wow! That is such a good and sweet news, isnt it? (I told you bloggy) The sad news is I get to spend only a week in Cebu *cry cry* Because I just came from an 18-day Euro trip (I KNOW THIS DESERVES A PAGE), I cant stay longer. Worse, Russ gets to spend 2 weeks.. IMAGINE *grrrr Worst, My sister Lany and family were not there to celebrate with this. They have migrated in the US and couldnt come home.. *cry cry Anyway, I get to spend it beautifully with family though so Im happy. Im contented to have Hugged my boys and my parents even for a short period of time, Honeymooning in Plantation and Family loving in Coco Palms. Life is indeed a beach..

The Prodigal Daughter

Hey bloggy, this is Pam..

You must have forgotten me!

But whether you like it or not..

I'm sooo back.. 

Next post is A Bomb.. I promise..

My peace offering to you bloggy..