Feeling it again...

It's been exactly 3 weeks now Simeone..

Yet the pain of loosing you is still so fresh..

I love you My Simeone.. 

😍😍😍

Can you see my heart? 

It's full of you Babyluv... 

I love you...

Simeone,

How do I move on from this? 

Pls give me the strength that you possesed my Babyluv..

I love you..

You're in my Heart

Dear My Simeone, 

Yes you have a name my Babyluv.

We never knew if you're a footballer or a princess.. 

But it doesn't matter because we love you whichever gender you are, if you're normal or special, or for whatever you are.. 

We love you more than our hearts are capable of loving..

You were finally out yesterday at 3:55 am.

Simeone, you are one naughty kid..

But I loved it.. You would always remind me of your father..

It took me 4 days to try to get you out..

The induction (4 meds in my inside), about 10 IEs, about 2 liters of drips, a Foley catheter and a D & C surgery.

Not to mention the 10 vial of blood, 4 injections and 10 pinches - it's not a joke but entertaining to see your father scared to death.. ( our secret, he is scared of needles)

The first 3 days, I was relaxed, worried because you're not going out.. 

But the 4th day, at around 12:05 am, I writhe in pain.. Literally. The contractions are getting me crazy.. Unbearable pain Babyluv.. I think I broke your father's fingers gripping on him every 30'seconds..

Then I felt a pop and you slid Babyluv.

Right in to my hospital bed, with a pool of blood.. I saw you inside the tray.  Only on side view though. I wanted to see you but I was so weak and the contractions are hitting me again..

You look brown and slimy..

On the same night, I asked the staff nurse how you looked.. 

She said you are like a jelly.. You don't have a face yet, can not determine the gender, but you already have arms, legs and surprisingly your nails are visible.. 

And you know your father is so proud you got his nails.. (Your father has dinasaur nails that we assume if its visible at this stage, then for sure you got it from  him.) 

And he is showing off his nails every 5 mins.. He is so irritating yet cute Babyluv.

He is just so proud of you..

Well, we are going home today with hearts full of you. You will always always always be in our hearts My Babyluv..

You are our eldest child..

Sorry if we can not take you home or give you a decent burial, the process here apparently sucks. But we pray for you everyday our Angel.. 

We love you so much..

Kisses from Mommy..

By the way,  I'm still waiting for that dream ok.. 

I love you.

Sleep tight my love,

Love, 

Your mother

I love you my Babyluv

Dear My Babyluv,

We went to see you earlier for our 19th week ultrasound..

Sadly, you don't have a heartbeat Babyluv...

We have lost the battle...

You will always be in our hearts and we could not thank you enough for the love, for changing us, for always reminding us how blessed we are to have you even for a short time..

That time is enough to fulfill our dreams to be a family..

For me, to be a mother..

I may not have held you in my arms but I am hugging you in my heart every single minute..

Our angel, you may now sleep well..

I love you so much..

Your father love you so much..

And every member of the family love you so much.. 

You will always be our hearts..

I love you my eldest child..

Love,

Your mother

My Promise...

Dear My Babyluv,

Hows my sweetheart today? 

Well your getting bigger are you, 

My bump is becoming bigger Babyluv..

And I love it...

You know, sometimes I think why

All of these are happening to us....

But then the answer doesn't matter anyway.. 

I, as your mother, promise you...

That I'm not going to stop fighting,

Until your heart stops beating..

We are in this together Babyluv...

Sorry if my trust and faith waivered, 

Believe me, I care for your best interest.. 

What I failed to see, is your will

To survive...

And I'm gonna do just as that..

I love you Babyluv...

So much...

Love, 

You're mother

Tita Lany's bday

Dear My Babyluv,

Hope your doing well my Babyluv..

I love you so much...

Today is your Tita Lany's birthday..

Tita lany is my only sister Babyluv...

I love her so much...

She is a bit weird but has a wonderful heart..

She so wants to meet you..

In fact, they are flying to Dubai in January to see you...

She is based in US so she's quite far from us...

I love you Babyluv so much..

I'm trying to live each day thinking you will be ok..

You will be ok Babyluv..

I love you so much..

Love,

Your mother 

Girl

Just to let you know....

Your father and I think your a Girl, Babyluv... 

We love you

Hurt, Sad, Hopeful, Very proud

Dear My Babyluv,

Hows my baby doing? 

U hope ur doing well inside Babyluv..

It's been 3 days since we had a check with our OB.

I saw you Babyluv, and I'm very happy..

However, your condition has worsened..

The edema- the swelling has doubled, and the Pleural Effusion- the excess fluid they saw in your lungs before is now everywhere..

Especially your brain Babyluv..

As per the medical team, there is no hope... 

To hear that Babyluv, makes me want to die..  It was your father who was very strong for the both of us.. 

I couldn't answer all the questions of the doctor, and it was your father who answers for me..

In so glad he is there Babyluv, or I wouldn't be able to make it alone..

The amazing part Babyluv amongst all this is your very strong heartbeat...

The sonographer was so amazed with how strong you are Babyluv..

Babies in the same situation as you would have had gone by now..

But you are one very strong baby..

And I am very proud of you...

Your father and I are very very proud of you..

You are the sunshine amidst all these... 

In a month, we go back to the doctor and if your condition has not improved, we have to make a decision Babyluv..

This will be the most difficult decision we will ever do... 

And I fear that day..

Oh Babyluv, sometimes I wonder why all of these are happening to us..

I just wanted a simple and complete and normal family..

I've been wishing that for 3 years...

Our Lord is good.. And I'm sure he has plans for us..

We will never doubt his plans Babyluv...

Whatever the decision will be, please always remember that we love you very very very much.. 

I love you my Babyluv...

Love,

Your mother

💞💞

I miss you Babyluv... 

I love you so so so so so much...

Mothers Day!!

Dear My Babyluv,

The world celebrates Mother's Day today..

I want to thank you Babyluv for giving me the opportunity to be a mom and for choosing me to be your mom..

I will not fail you and I promise to take care of you and be the best mom for you...

I love you Babyluv..

I feel you today.. A lot..

Sometimes I fear the stab-pain..

But I think it's just you making me feel that you love me..

I love you my Babyluv..

Love,

Your mother 

Mom's sick

Dear My Babyluv,

Hows my baby?? 

I'm so proud of you my Babyluv..

I know things have been difficult but you have been so strong..

I love you Babyluv..

Now it's my turn to be strong.

I'm down with flu, colds and fever..

I can't and don't want to take any medicine Babyluv, because it may harm you in any way..

I don't want that..

So I'm on water therapy, soup and herbal power.

Your father has been very caring, as always.. He really is taking care of us.

I'm so proud of him too Babyluv..

I must have really done something good in this world to deserve the best husband and the bravest and cutest Babyluv ever..

I love you Babyluv..

Hang in there for me ok..

I love you so much..

Love,

Your mother 

Babyluv

Dear My Babyluv, 

How are you? I've missed writing you my love...

I've had a very bad migraine since Saturday, that we today I was absent at work.. Your father too...

But now I am fine..

How are you my Babyluv? 

We survive last week...

I am confident we will be able to surpass these trials Babyluv because you are a very strong strong strong Baby..

I am very very very proud of you.. 

I love you...

Love, 

Your mother 

Star Gazing

Dear My Babyluv,

It is so relaxing here.

We are star gazing by the beach.

And we always talk about you..

How you would run here and there..

Jump here and there..

Hehe you will be the cutest ever my Babyluv...

I live for you..

I love you so much..

Love.

Your mother 

Outing outing

Dear My Babyluv,

Your father and I decided that we need a holiday.. Just the 3 of us..

So we booked a 2 night stay in the luxurious Dubai Marine Beach Resort...

I love family time like this Babyluv..

I can't wait to take you to the beach once ur out..

Since it's still too hot I can't dip in the waters.. Not good for you.

But your father is already enjoying in the pristine water..

Love you My Babyluv..

Your mother 

Daddy daddy

Dear My Babyluv,

Your father is finally home...

I know, we are both the happiest...

Love u

Your mother

My sunshine

Dear My Babyluv,

Good morning! 

My mornings are so much better with you around...

I love you so much Babyluv..

I loveeeeeeeee youuuuuuuu...

Love, 

Your mother 

Hey

Hey Baby Dsouza...

You are loved!! So much...

excited

Dear My Babyluv, 

Hows my baby? 

My favorited person in the world? 

I hope ur ok Babyluv, and enjoying in my tummy.. 

I love you so much, don't ever ever ever forget that! 

I am cleaning the room, we'll not that clean, but ya just preparing because your father is coming home tomorrow..

Yeheyy!

He will finally be with us Babyluv..

He will hug both of us when we sleep..

Oh I've missed him so much..

I'm sure you do too..

So hang on there my sunshine ok...

I love you.

So much..

Love,

Your mother 

I love you

My Babyluv..

Good morning sunshine!!!