Feeling it again...

It's been exactly 3 weeks now Simeone..

Yet the pain of loosing you is still so fresh..

I love you My Simeone.. 

😍😍😍

Can you see my heart? 

It's full of you Babyluv... 

I love you...

Simeone,

How do I move on from this? 

Pls give me the strength that you possesed my Babyluv..

I love you..

You're in my Heart

Dear My Simeone, 

Yes you have a name my Babyluv.

We never knew if you're a footballer or a princess.. 

But it doesn't matter because we love you whichever gender you are, if you're normal or special, or for whatever you are.. 

We love you more than our hearts are capable of loving..

You were finally out yesterday at 3:55 am.

Simeone, you are one naughty kid..

But I loved it.. You would always remind me of your father..

It took me 4 days to try to get you out..

The induction (4 meds in my inside), about 10 IEs, about 2 liters of drips, a Foley catheter and a D & C surgery.

Not to mention the 10 vial of blood, 4 injections and 10 pinches - it's not a joke but entertaining to see your father scared to death.. ( our secret, he is scared of needles)

The first 3 days, I was relaxed, worried because you're not going out.. 

But the 4th day, at around 12:05 am, I writhe in pain.. Literally. The contractions are getting me crazy.. Unbearable pain Babyluv.. I think I broke your father's fingers gripping on him every 30'seconds..

Then I felt a pop and you slid Babyluv.

Right in to my hospital bed, with a pool of blood.. I saw you inside the tray.  Only on side view though. I wanted to see you but I was so weak and the contractions are hitting me again..

You look brown and slimy..

On the same night, I asked the staff nurse how you looked.. 

She said you are like a jelly.. You don't have a face yet, can not determine the gender, but you already have arms, legs and surprisingly your nails are visible.. 

And you know your father is so proud you got his nails.. (Your father has dinasaur nails that we assume if its visible at this stage, then for sure you got it from  him.) 

And he is showing off his nails every 5 mins.. He is so irritating yet cute Babyluv.

He is just so proud of you..

Well, we are going home today with hearts full of you. You will always always always be in our hearts My Babyluv..

You are our eldest child..

Sorry if we can not take you home or give you a decent burial, the process here apparently sucks. But we pray for you everyday our Angel.. 

We love you so much..

Kisses from Mommy..

By the way,  I'm still waiting for that dream ok.. 

I love you.

Sleep tight my love,

Love, 

Your mother

I love you my Babyluv

Dear My Babyluv,

We went to see you earlier for our 19th week ultrasound..

Sadly, you don't have a heartbeat Babyluv...

We have lost the battle...

You will always be in our hearts and we could not thank you enough for the love, for changing us, for always reminding us how blessed we are to have you even for a short time..

That time is enough to fulfill our dreams to be a family..

For me, to be a mother..

I may not have held you in my arms but I am hugging you in my heart every single minute..

Our angel, you may now sleep well..

I love you so much..

Your father love you so much..

And every member of the family love you so much.. 

You will always be our hearts..

I love you my eldest child..

Love,

Your mother

My Promise...

Dear My Babyluv,

Hows my sweetheart today? 

Well your getting bigger are you, 

My bump is becoming bigger Babyluv..

And I love it...

You know, sometimes I think why

All of these are happening to us....

But then the answer doesn't matter anyway.. 

I, as your mother, promise you...

That I'm not going to stop fighting,

Until your heart stops beating..

We are in this together Babyluv...

Sorry if my trust and faith waivered, 

Believe me, I care for your best interest.. 

What I failed to see, is your will

To survive...

And I'm gonna do just as that..

I love you Babyluv...

So much...

Love, 

You're mother

Tita Lany's bday

Dear My Babyluv,

Hope your doing well my Babyluv..

I love you so much...

Today is your Tita Lany's birthday..

Tita lany is my only sister Babyluv...

I love her so much...

She is a bit weird but has a wonderful heart..

She so wants to meet you..

In fact, they are flying to Dubai in January to see you...

She is based in US so she's quite far from us...

I love you Babyluv so much..

I'm trying to live each day thinking you will be ok..

You will be ok Babyluv..

I love you so much..

Love,

Your mother